why it's not helpful to put someone down for being offended on the internet

[sophiaserpentia]

As a feminist and a leftist i get this a lot: the implication that if i find something offensive which they did not -- or especially if it is something they found funny or amusing -- that i am overly sensitive and, if i am so easily offended, maybe i shouldn't be using the internet.

Look, please don't say this to people. It's not helpful.

If i say i found something offensive, or even say i can see why someone might be offended, i am not implying that you're a horrible person for finding that same thing amusing. If i happen to think someone is a horrible person, i'll say so, but it takes a lot for me to think that.

But, here's why this upsets me.

Reaction A: "Oh, that offended you? Huh. I was actually amused by it."
Reaction B: "Oh, that offended you? Huh. I was actually amused by it. I guess you must just be really sensitive. If you're so sensitive, maybe you shouldn't even be on the internet where people can hurt you."

Reaction A is a simple expression of "Okay, i didn't have the same reaction." It's fine for people to not agree on things or have the same reaction.

Reaction B goes further and belittles you. It's is exactly the same as, "Why can't you take a joke?" But someone who says this may as well also be saying, "If people can hurt you by doing/saying X, maybe you shouldn't do anything you find fun or even leave the house." Because it's not just a game or an internet forum where someone might be triggered, it's anywhere and everywhere you go.

Reaction B is victim-blaming because we don't choose what triggers us. "Triggering" is when something random and unexpected reminds you jarringly of a traumatic event in your life. It's especially frustrating when something insensitive done or said by someone else triggers you. Again, we don't choose to be triggered by something. Also, not everyone is triggered by the same thing.

So when you say Reaction B, you are blaming someone for being triggered by something. They aren't going to read your comment and say, "Oh, gosh, you're right, i'm choosing to be offended by something so little and silly," because their response wasn't a choice in the first place.

Comments

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

Yes. :) Thank you!