(no subject)

[sophiaserpentia]

Nurame was in her bed when she was woken by an angry mêlée. In her family's hut there were grown men - an incredible number, 10 or more, all in their 30s, all standing over her father, shouting. They reached for her. ... [E]ven though she was eight years old, she suspected at once what was happening. She had heard whispers that, when a girl is considered ready for marriage, a man will seize her, and rape her, and then she must serve him for the rest of her life. "That was the culture," she says. But it wasn't her culture: like all the other little girls, she didn't want it. "I started screaming and tried to run out of the hut," she says. "I hid in the trees - hah! - but one of the men found me."

She was taken back to his home, held down in front of his family, raped, and taken to be married the next morning. Dazed, she signed the papers, and waited for a moment when she could flee.

After three days, he finally left her alone in the hut. She ran for miles barefoot back to her family, wanting to return to her life, and to her childhood. She hurried through the door, weeping with joy. "But my father told me that now I had had sex with him, nobody else would want me because I was ruined goods, and I had to go back to him and be a good wife," she says. "My mother was very sad but she said it was true. ..."

...In 2003 - the last year for which statistics are available - the National Committee on Traditional Practices of Ethiopia found that 69 per cent of marriages begin like this, with the triple-whammy of abduction, rape, and a forced signature. In a country with a mixture of Protestant, Catholic and Muslim, all religions practice it equally. ... Bridal abductions have been technically illegal since 2005, but, outside the capital, the law is interpreted very loosely by the police and judges.

...Boge Gebre is sitting in her office, working. She is the woman who began the rebellion of Ethiopian women. ... She set up local assemblies where anyone could speak about the problems in the area... an organisation called Kembatti Mentti Gezzima-Tope (KMG) - Kembatta Women Standing Together - and began organising the villages. Steadily, one-by-one, the assemblies happened, and at first women made mild and modest demands (from our point of view, at least). Couldn't men and women sit together in public? Couldn't girls stay at school as long as boys? Couldn't women become elders too, and decide on the affairs of the community?

As the meetings went on over the years, their demands for equality swelled. Why should women's vaginas be mutilated? They screened a video of a female "circumcision" taking place for the men. One passed out; four vomited. "The rebellion just grew and grew," Boge says. At a wedding in 2003, the bride and all her bridesmaids wore signs saying: "I am uncircumcised." It was a Spartacus moment, and the women here weep as they remember it.

[I]n these new forums, women began to speak about their terror of being kidnapped - and Boge was there to explain that KMG would ensure any man who committed it went to prison. She would harangue the police until they acted.

...As I skid along the mud-streets of Kembatta with Alemu Dutbecho Kinole, women hail him everywhere. They cross the road to clasp his hand; with moist eyes, they cry "Thank you! Thank you!" He is a 39-year-old man with a slight beard, a leather jacket, and an intense, stooped stare. He looks creased, like he has been stored away in an old suitcase for years. He acknowledges their thanks with a nod, and a rat-a-tat-tat of questions about their lives today. "He rescued me from being cut!" one woman beams. "He saved my cousin from abduction," another adds. This is not how anyone thought Alemu's life would turn out - since he used to be Kembatta's most notorious bandit, and a kidnapper of women.

We sit in the sun in the hills and he lets loose a long monologue: "I took my wife by force in 1994. She was engaged to somebody else. I negotiated [with her family] for her but I lost to another man. So I used my Kalashnikov. I went to market with my Kalashnikov and I said if she didn't come with me I'd kill her."

... When Boge first arrived in this area, he was sceptical. Why are these women trying to change the way things have worked here for as long as anyone can remember? What good can come of it? "I went to see the video of the circumcision taking place, and I was shocked. I didn't know it was so violent, so bloody. That was the first time I began to think," he says, lighting a cigarette. His wife - who was only 16 when she was seized - began to attend the KMG meetings and talk about the feelings she had long interred. When I meet her, Desalech Alema says bluntly: "I had been angry for a long time. I went with him because I had no choice. He raped me. I was crying so I couldn't shout for help. I wanted to run back to my family but he threatened to shoot me. Then I could say some of this."

Alemu nods, and says: "I hadn't ever thought in this way. I changed. When I heard about abductions, I began to weep. I felt guilty." Desalech breaks in: "He became a better husband. He started fetching water for me, and being kind." He laughs: "I am always checking to make sure she is fat! I want her to be very well-fed!" They both giggle, sharing a long glance.

...I watch him dart from meeting to meeting - one lobbying the police to prosecute abductions, another helping girls arrange workshops to stop genital mutilation. There is an intensity and frenzy to it that seems authentic - an act of manic repentance. I think of the story of St Paul, who persecuted Christians, only to become their defender. In a pause between meetings, Alema stands with me, and smokes. "I think a man can learn," Alemu says, and then corrects himself: "I think a man must learn."

from Kidnapped, Raped, Married: The Extraordinary Rebellion of Ethiopia's Abducted Wives

Comments

[ovary.livejournal.com]

I can't even fathom life like that.

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

Nor can I.

[stacymckenna.livejournal.com]

What an awesome story - thank you.

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

What really jumps out about me about this is how quickly opinions and even culture can change -- this is happening within the space of a single generation.

Fyi, comment with triggery material in it, y'all

[idunn.livejournal.com]

That amazed me, too ... plus the tale of one guy doing evil shit and then having this epiphany that just maybe women were suffering because of his actions. I'd think all this shit would be obvious, but I just shared this link with a friend of mine who was appropriately amazed and horrified and then made a comment along the lines of, "I can't believe that woman survived all that and her family wouldn't even take her back! That's such a fucked-up culture!" I responded, "Culture, what? Sexism and oppression are universal and need to be fought everywhere. When my best friend told her parents she'd been raped, they were ashamed and grounded her."

Idk, sometimes I'm still blown away that obvious stuff isn't obvious. Like, where've you been, dude?

Re: Fyi, comment with triggery material in it, y'all

[idunn.livejournal.com]

Seriously.

[stacymckenna.livejournal.com]

Yes! That dramatic a shift in any given individual is impressive. To have it happening on so broad a scale is staggering.

[idunn.livejournal.com]

Oh and btw, thanks for an amazing article. I linked it and credited you. As evil as this stuff is, it actually made my day reading about the change happening so fast and the people banding together to make it happen. Thumbs up.