the sun beginning to rise

[sophiaserpentia]

This is a criticism i hear a lot: that most gallae are hyper-focused on skirts, makeup, high-heels, Barbie dolls, and lipstick.

But considering the way we are portrayed in the media, why should anyone believe otherwise? This, from an article about a shelter that provides a place to sleep for the prostituted homeless gallae of New York City:

Every Sunday morning in a second-floor apartment in Astoria, Queens, the Rev. Louis Braxton Jr. rouses a half-dozen sleeping bodies from bunk beds in two cramped rooms littered with stiletto heels and skimpy dresses.

The groggy young adults reach for their makeup kits and fight for the lone bathroom. Once their makeup, hair and clothes are just right, they trudge into the living room, holding handbags and teetering on high heels, and sit facing an altar set up by Father Braxton.

This is the way we can expect to be portrayed in the media even when we resist it. Even when we've shown up to talk about serious issues like HIV, rape, discrimination, or domestic violence, we're asked to pose for the camera in front of a mirror with a makeup brush.

Of course they can't get away with treating "real" women in such blatantly misogynistic and dismissive ways anymore (they used to, of course). But, since we gallae aren't "real" women, all we have is our artifice and pretense to convince people otherwise. Right? So, certainly we spend every minute of every day thinking about lipstick and high heels.

I've even at times felt myself bristle a little when i hear another galla squee that someone held open the door for her or called her "ma'am," but this is because of my own internalized misogyny and transphobia.

Serano calls it "traditional sexism," the idea that anyone feminine is fake, frivolous, and shallow. In the GLBT community it's not only gallae who are seen this way; it's also said about "nelly" gay men and "femme" lesbians. The derogation of these people within the GLBT community is just a reflection of the larger social dismissive and hostile attitude towards anyone who displays feminine traits.

What i do outwardly, in the process of my transition, might look to the casual observer like an obsession with the outer trappings of femininity. I had to buy a lot of women's clothing; i wear makeup; i've had most of my facial hair removed; i may yet go on hormones to feminize my body chemistry and body shape; i may someday have surgery.

But if what i seek seems to you to be a retreat into something artificial, frivolous, and purely socially-defined, then you don't really understand what this means to me. Because it is not those outward trappings that mean anything to me - or to the other gallae who talk about such things.

It is about being able to look in the mirror and, instead of seeing some strange guy looking back at me, i see finally my own reflection. When i look at myself, finally what i see makes sense to me and feels right.

And none of that has fundamentally anything to do with lipstick or heels, per se. Hell, i don't even wear lipstick or heels.

I'm not a rebel. I'm not a sexual fetishist. I'm someone trying to be me.

It took me a long time to get here. Not just the expense and the pain, i mean i started out buried under a mountain of denial so heavy i didn't even have words for what i am or what i feel. A hand had been put over my mouth at a very young age, by my parents, by my church, by my friends, by my teachers, by my politicians, by the leaders of my community; and in the absence of my own words, words were written in my mind to replace them.

But underneath all that, at a place in my subconscious, i still saw myself as female. I pretended to be female when i played, as my sister can attest. I am female in my dreams and in my mystical visions. I don't expect to see a man when i look in the mirror.

Any time these thoughts started to creep up into the realm of words and concepts, there were a million ways for me to shoot them down and retract them. I am still, even today, learning how to give voice to my own authentic words, how to tell them apart from the words written in my mind by other people.

And so, when you look at me you see someone artificial, fake, maybe even monstrous, fussing over makeup and hair. I see... something like the sun finally beginning to rise.

Comments

USED to?

[pharminatrix.livejournal.com]

This is the way we can expect to be portrayed in the media...Of course they can't get away with treating "real" women in such blatantly misogynistic and dismissive ways anymore (they used to, of course).

"A media luminary with the solid credentials of a seasoned pro, Maria Bartiromo has set the standard for business news programming, delivering indispensable, up-to-the-minute information from the New York Stock Exchange."

"She is the face that launched a thousand stocks, a television fixture whose movie-star looks and expanding influence have earned her the nickname "Money Honey" on Wall Street, along with a place in FHM Magazine's list of the 100 sexiest women on the planet.

This week, respected CNBC anchor Maria Bartiromo found herself making news, rather than covering it, after she was linked to a high-level ouster at the world's largest financial service company."

Hey, remember last year when she was the one to get Bernanke to inform the press that investors had misinterpreted his recent congressional remarks as an indication that the Fed was almost finished raising rates? Yeah, me neither. I was hypnotized by her foundation.

Re: USED to?

[pharminatrix.livejournal.com]

By the way, I don't mean to undermine your argument. What I mean to imply is that so-called "real" women (with regard to the public/mainstream) seem to have internalized the token/fetish directive imposed as a bracket on any sort of feminine presentation. So while the producer/stylist/whomever might not hand them lipstick to apply on camera, it's only because they brought their own.

All the way to the New York Stock Exchange, apparently.

Please keep reminding the world how many ways there are to be.