boundaries and oppression

[sophiaserpentia]

At the volunteer meeting earlier this month, we talked about personal boundaries, and it has stuck with me that a light bulb went off in my head about the relationship between boundary violations and oppression.

Oppression means you cannot expect your boundaries to be respected.

Well, let me clarify: you as an individual have the right to expect that others will respect the limits you set for your own body. But when you are oppressed, there is a greater likelihood that your limits and boundaries will be shrugged off or ignored. So we could say that one aspect of privilege is the ability to expect that others will bend their limits to your will.

At the extreme is slavery. A slave does not have the right to wear clothing, if told to strip; a slave does not have the right to refuse sex, if told to submit.

Consider the child who is told not to let a stranger touch them, but is then ordered to give a hug and kiss to the relative she doesn't know and just met. If she balks, she is scolded. What she learns from this, is that her personal boundaries are flexible at the whim of the adults in charge of her.

Consider the woman who has no say in what happens with her reproductive system. This describes most women in the history of humankind; reproductive freedom is a relatively new idea, and where it has been achieved it is under constant attack.

Many of us are not properly taught how to conceive of, articulate, and defend our boundaries and limits. This is not an accident; it is a state which is actively encouraged in many people for the convenience of others.

Comments

[herbalgrrl.livejournal.com]

This is part of why the abortion debate gets so heated... most reasonable people agree that everyone has the right to boundaries... a right to be & act as they will up until those actions infringe on another's boundaries.
Seems simple...
not so clear cut in practice.
A woman has a right to control her own bodily functions...
but what if she harms another in doing so?
How about animals? & children?
We allow different classes of being to have less right to sovereignty than others.
Over time we recognize more & more beings (women, minorities, etc) as sovereigns but only after they fight like hell to gain that recognition.

[layitlarge.livejournal.com]

*thinks*

Guess that's why it takes some people 32 years to figure out their boundaries and be true to them.

[gentlemaitresse.livejournal.com]

I certainly agree that children should never be forced to hug or kiss anyone, including their own parents! I've always felt strongly about this. There are some things you simply don't force a child to do.

[gentlemaitresse.livejournal.com]

Also, a child should be allowed to own his emotions, and should never be expected to fake them for anyone. You might be appalled that Junior doesn't love Aunt Mary, since she's such a kind old woman and everyone else loves her to bits, but don't you dare make him feel badly for his emotions, much less make him pretend to like her.

You can make him be polite, but he shouldn't have to fake feelings.

[herbalgrrl.livejournal.com]

Completely agreed on all counts... children are no different than adults in terms of deserving respect for their feelings.

Re: Boundaries

[collie13.livejournal.com]

What meme is this, please? Could you provide a link?

Re: Boundaries

[collie13.livejournal.com]

Thank you!
P.S. That is such a cute icon! ;)

[pretzelsalt.livejournal.com]

Great post.

It reminds me of the first time I realized this boundary was different for me then for males (or I should say FELT it I didn't work it out until years and years later).

I will write about it soon.