(no subject)

[sophiaserpentia]

davidould wrote, As I've said before, I understand completely why you react with fear. I'm saying that you have a responsibility not to perpetuate that kind of feeling and impression on others.

I'm not sure, then, what you would consider an acceptable expression of my feelings. Do you mean that every time I say, "I am afraid of Christians because of my experiences and those of friends and other people in my community," that I should feel required to add a disclaimer?

Hmm. Televangelists and Christian activists who send out fundraising letters designed to generate fear of queer people in Christians, aren't required to add disclaimers. Politicians who refer to Christian doctrine when saying ugly things about queer people are not required to add disclaimers. Laws and policies rejecting the validity of a recognized medical condition purely because it offends Christian morality don't carry disclaimers. Why is no one harrassing Jerry Falwell or George Bush or Cardinal O'Malley to add a disclaimer saying, "Of course, not *all* queer people are corrupting our youth or deteriorating our moral values, just some."

I'm well aware that two wrongs don't make a right, but this is my private journal, where I write to collect my thoughts and clarify my feelings and experiences. The above are mass-distributed public statements that reach millions.

I am not going to add a disclaimer every single time I write about my feelings on this issue in my journal. I'm not. Any offense that causes is miniscule compared to the incredible restrictions on my life that I am expected to quietly endure. Why should I avoid making the teeniest offense when I'm forced to swallow grievous offense every day? What's in it for me, will it increase the chance I'll change anyone's mind? I'm not convinced I can get through to anyone if I censor myself. Those who are straight and cis-gendered have no idea how restricted my options are, socially, culturally, legally and financially. No idea.

Also, I'm not convinced that adding a disclaimer would stop people from taking offense or complaining that I'm hurting their feelings anyway. It hasn't in the past. The only way to avoid offending people, apparently, is total silence, which I refuse.

Omitting a disclaimer or voicing these feelings is not "perpetuating that feeling in others," because chances are they already have that feeling. That feeling is generated and perpetuated by politicians, several huge Christian denominations, and groups like Focus on the Family, who are making money and gaining influence thereby; it's also generated and perpetuated by people who have literally beaten and harrassed them. My journal is a drop in the ocean of fear. If people who read my journal have the same fears and angers, it's not because I've given voice to them.

You know, I'm not proud of anti-Christian prejudice, I consider it a failing. I know it is not rational. Fear is smothering this society and I don't want to play the fear game anymore. I struggle against my feeilngs on this matter and have even started praying for help. But while I work through it I am not going to be silent about it in my journal.

Comments

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

I see two different ways of looking at the issue here.

On the ideological level, the distinction you mention is clear and obvious. This level assumes that all people come to intellectual discourse with an equal opportunity to be heard, an equally objective frame of mind, and an ability to set aside their experiences and emotions and look at facts in a logical way.

On many issues, I am able to do all that and participate in discourse at the ideological level. But on this issue it is difficult for me.

You don't live in the US, so I'm not sure you can see how bitter and acrimonious this situation is here. You read things about what's happening here, so I'm sure you can glean some idea, but the cynicism of the debate here is poisoning the culture.

It is plainly obvious that the distinction you mention exists, and I acknowledge that. But on the practical level, where one's experiences and emotions are relevant along with one's thoughts and ideals, it's hard to see the distinction, because I don't come to this discussion with the same ability as you to view the matter objectively. As I acknowledged in my post, this is a failing on my part and it is one I am seeking to work on.

In the past few months I've made a special effort to be careful when writing entries on this topic to mention "some Christian leaders," rather than "Christians" in general, as being the ones whose actions I take particular exception to. There are some who make money or gain political influence at my expense; who wouldn't object to that? I also seek to be mindful when this issue comes up that not all Christians are doing the bad things.

But when I encounter people on the street being "conspicuously Christian" in some way, I am truly afraid of them.