(no subject)

[sophiaserpentia]

davidould wrote, As I've said before, I understand completely why you react with fear. I'm saying that you have a responsibility not to perpetuate that kind of feeling and impression on others.

I'm not sure, then, what you would consider an acceptable expression of my feelings. Do you mean that every time I say, "I am afraid of Christians because of my experiences and those of friends and other people in my community," that I should feel required to add a disclaimer?

Hmm. Televangelists and Christian activists who send out fundraising letters designed to generate fear of queer people in Christians, aren't required to add disclaimers. Politicians who refer to Christian doctrine when saying ugly things about queer people are not required to add disclaimers. Laws and policies rejecting the validity of a recognized medical condition purely because it offends Christian morality don't carry disclaimers. Why is no one harrassing Jerry Falwell or George Bush or Cardinal O'Malley to add a disclaimer saying, "Of course, not *all* queer people are corrupting our youth or deteriorating our moral values, just some."

I'm well aware that two wrongs don't make a right, but this is my private journal, where I write to collect my thoughts and clarify my feelings and experiences. The above are mass-distributed public statements that reach millions.

I am not going to add a disclaimer every single time I write about my feelings on this issue in my journal. I'm not. Any offense that causes is miniscule compared to the incredible restrictions on my life that I am expected to quietly endure. Why should I avoid making the teeniest offense when I'm forced to swallow grievous offense every day? What's in it for me, will it increase the chance I'll change anyone's mind? I'm not convinced I can get through to anyone if I censor myself. Those who are straight and cis-gendered have no idea how restricted my options are, socially, culturally, legally and financially. No idea.

Also, I'm not convinced that adding a disclaimer would stop people from taking offense or complaining that I'm hurting their feelings anyway. It hasn't in the past. The only way to avoid offending people, apparently, is total silence, which I refuse.

Omitting a disclaimer or voicing these feelings is not "perpetuating that feeling in others," because chances are they already have that feeling. That feeling is generated and perpetuated by politicians, several huge Christian denominations, and groups like Focus on the Family, who are making money and gaining influence thereby; it's also generated and perpetuated by people who have literally beaten and harrassed them. My journal is a drop in the ocean of fear. If people who read my journal have the same fears and angers, it's not because I've given voice to them.

You know, I'm not proud of anti-Christian prejudice, I consider it a failing. I know it is not rational. Fear is smothering this society and I don't want to play the fear game anymore. I struggle against my feeilngs on this matter and have even started praying for help. But while I work through it I am not going to be silent about it in my journal.

Comments

[alobar.livejournal.com]

> it's downright magnanimous of me

I would suggest perhaps examining that magnanimity. I think the Golden Dawn summed it up by saying that an overbalance of Mercy is but Weakness.

You seem not to allow your self to get angry. I would suggest this might connect to the weight you are trying to shed.

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

I don't have a healthy relationship with anger. When I was younger, I had a lot of it, and it would come out in these uncontrollable bursts where I would damage property and yell and put holes in walls. At some point, that just... changed. I think it was during the most bitter parts of my arguments with Dee after I spent several evenings curled up on the floor crying uncontrollably. After that I haven't been able to express anger about much of anything. I think I yell in anger a little bit maybe once or twice a year now.

[alobar.livejournal.com]

Any idea what to do to get back in touch with the healthy aspects of anger?

To me, anger in balance is a good thing. One neither wants to be violent & stooopid, nor does one want to be a doormat to those who seek to destroy or oppress one.

I post a lot of things in my LJ. I doubt that hardly anyone can keep up with all I post. I have begun to explore Magnesium deficiency. I have discovered that almost everyone in the US is Magnesium deficient, unless one happens to live in an area with high Magnesium in the water.

Magnesium deficiency is linked to both mania and depression, plus a host of other psychological and physiological problems.

I take 600, or sometimes 800 mg of Magnesium supplementation per day. I take it before bed. I sleep like a rock. One draw-back is that I feel like I need more hours of sleep in a night. So I either need more discipline (and a louder alarm clock) and/or I need to adjust my schedule so I alot more times for sleep.

Not say what you experience is entirely based in a mineral deficiency. Us monkies are complex organisms. But dietary imbalances sure don't help things any.

I have seen what kind of a strong brave person you are. I feel fortunate to have known you personally.

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

I have seen what kind of a strong brave person you are. I feel fortunate to have known you personally.

Awww, that's sweet, thank you! Likewise. :)


Interesting. I googled this matter of magnesium and aggression and found this:
http://www.mgwater.com/prevent.shtml

I also found this:
http://www.durastill.com/myths.html
"The minerals in water are so scant that in Boston, MA for example, one would have to drink 676 8-ounce glasses of tap water to obtain the Recommended Daily Allowance ( RDA) of calcium. That person would have to drink 1,848 8-ounce glasses to get RDA of magnesium, 848 8-ounce glasses to get RDA of iron, and 168,960 8-ounce glasses to obtain the RDA of phosphorus."

It might be a biased source, but I can't find anything from the city itself.

[alobar.livejournal.com]

If one drinks from a water supply which IS high in minerals, one would have very hard water. If one did not use a water softener, one would have major plumbing expenses due to mineral deposits inside the pipes. One would have water which did not clean clothes or dishes well & left a scum on the clean clothes & dishes. So people soften the water.

I once visited a distant relative, when I was about 10, who understood all this. He had a water softener, but he also had an un-softened water tap in the kitchen for drinking water. The softened water felt slimy in my mouth, but the un-softened water tasted absolutely wretched. The only way I could handle the hard water was in lemonade. I drank a lot of lemonade the few days my family visited the relative.

Getting one's minerals from drinking water is not a pleasant experience. And washing one's hair in very mineralized water leaves one feeling like one has dirtier hair than before one washed the hair.