there are also the situations in which a person (such as myselves) have had much of their sexuality conditioned from childhood onward by non-consensual sexual abuses...
many of our fantasy lives will have things such as the "rape scenes" appearing into our minds during consensual intercourse (even if only momentarily), or even conjuring these fantasies inentionally in order to remove the faces of the original molesters (i.e. parents, strangers, ex's, etc.) and replace them with the identities of people that (we hope) actually love us and accept us and do not intend to harm/kill us... (because to be honest, during each actual rape, i was always waiting to die)....
BDSM is the only lifestyle that i "know", and that is able to get a physical response from my body... and even though i have tried to alter "the rules" as an adult (as i started to realise what dangerous situations i had placed myself in, in the past), i do still need it to feel like i am in my element, in the bedroom.... and the thought that i am playing into the sex/war really worries me...
its taken this long to get to this point, i can't make myself be asexual or celibate and i can't suppress my sexuality.. i just don't know what else to do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
RE: consenting to rape-fantasies.
Date: 2005-09-26 07:11 pm (UTC)many of our fantasy lives will have things such as the "rape scenes" appearing into our minds during consensual intercourse (even if only momentarily), or even conjuring these fantasies inentionally in order to remove the faces of the original molesters (i.e. parents, strangers, ex's, etc.) and replace them with the identities of people that (we hope) actually love us and accept us and do not intend to harm/kill us... (because to be honest, during each actual rape, i was always waiting to die)....
BDSM is the only lifestyle that i "know", and that is able to get a physical response from my body... and even though i have tried to alter "the rules" as an adult (as i started to realise what dangerous situations i had placed myself in, in the past), i do still need it to feel like i am in my element, in the bedroom.... and the thought that i am playing into the sex/war really worries me...
its taken this long to get to this point, i can't make myself be asexual or celibate and i can't suppress my sexuality.. i just don't know what else to do.
Jules.