sophiaserpentia: (Default)
sophiaserpentia ([personal profile] sophiaserpentia) wrote2006-08-03 12:13 pm

they've stolen the keys to the kingdom, and neither do they enter, nor do they allow anyone to enter

The Notre Dame Basilica in Montreal is beautiful. I mean, breathtakingly, heartbreakingly beautiful.

It is dark as night inside. The neo-gothic ceiling is decorated in dark blue with gold stars and large rose windows. The balconies and columns are made of dark, rich wood intricately carved and decorated with gold leaf. If one turns around and peeks up, one can see a 7000-pipe organ over the back balcony. Despite all of this complex ornamentation the eye is drawn forward to the chancel and altar, which stands out of the darkness, shining and bright.

[livejournal.com profile] cowgrrl and i first arrived at the Basilica at 11:30 on Sunday -- so a morning Mass was underway. We were able to peek in for a few moments, and could hear the organ and accompanying choir. In those few moments i felt an immense sense of peace, of centeredness; i remembered a few things about religion and worship that, in my cynicism, i had forgotten.

[livejournal.com profile] cowgrrl described her reaction as "religion envy," since she was brought up without exposure to devout religious practices. And i began to feel like a refugee again, because this is a place to which i can never return.

I just can't set aside awareness of the many people i've known, including myself, who have been deeply damaged by people acting in the name of god and church. I cannot overlook the role of religious institutions in the stealth genocide.

For me the damage runs deeply enough that i doubt i will be able to sit peacefully in any sort of church ever again, feeling welcome and valued and loved. The closest i came was during my years of involvement with the UU church. And while during those years i encountered a number of people i feel very fondly towards even now, i am just too disillusioned by organized religion these days.

[identity profile] sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com 2006-08-03 04:47 pm (UTC)(link)
I didn't examine the statues closely. I did get a decent look at the piece in the Sacre-Coeur Chapel, but that's about it. When we returned the next day we were with a tour group and only had 25 minutes. Though there was enough there to occupy us for at least an hour, i was glad to leave when we did. The peace i felt at the outset was quickly replaced with profound discomfort at trying to juxtapose in my mind this place of peace and beauty with the utter ugliness of the institution that owns it.

I guess most people don't understand what it is like to be the target of the church, but that is the way i feel: like the church is a loaded gun aimed at me. The church has only ugly things to say about me and the people i love, about the people who have accepted me and given me hope and the community that has given me some chance at restoring my faith.

[identity profile] brontosproximo.livejournal.com 2006-08-03 04:52 pm (UTC)(link)
I guess most people don't understand what it is like to be the target of the church

No, I was just formally damned to Hell for all eternity while in confession.

They still chase me for the Bishop's Special Fund Drive. Does that count?