they've stolen the keys to the kingdom, and neither do they enter, nor do they allow anyone to enter

[sophiaserpentia]

The Notre Dame Basilica in Montreal is beautiful. I mean, breathtakingly, heartbreakingly beautiful.

It is dark as night inside. The neo-gothic ceiling is decorated in dark blue with gold stars and large rose windows. The balconies and columns are made of dark, rich wood intricately carved and decorated with gold leaf. If one turns around and peeks up, one can see a 7000-pipe organ over the back balcony. Despite all of this complex ornamentation the eye is drawn forward to the chancel and altar, which stands out of the darkness, shining and bright.

cowgrrl and i first arrived at the Basilica at 11:30 on Sunday -- so a morning Mass was underway. We were able to peek in for a few moments, and could hear the organ and accompanying choir. In those few moments i felt an immense sense of peace, of centeredness; i remembered a few things about religion and worship that, in my cynicism, i had forgotten.

cowgrrl described her reaction as "religion envy," since she was brought up without exposure to devout religious practices. And i began to feel like a refugee again, because this is a place to which i can never return.

I just can't set aside awareness of the many people i've known, including myself, who have been deeply damaged by people acting in the name of god and church. I cannot overlook the role of religious institutions in the stealth genocide.

For me the damage runs deeply enough that i doubt i will be able to sit peacefully in any sort of church ever again, feeling welcome and valued and loved. The closest i came was during my years of involvement with the UU church. And while during those years i encountered a number of people i feel very fondly towards even now, i am just too disillusioned by organized religion these days.

Comments

[brontosproximo.livejournal.com]

Did you get a chance to notice the wooden statuary? The Saint Jude was sculpted by Louis Jobin whom I've studied extensively. There is a piece by Medard Bourgault (whom I've also studied) and in the back is a statue by Benoi Deschenes. I've had the distinct pleasure of being instructed directly by Benoi during a three day class some years ago.

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

I didn't examine the statues closely. I did get a decent look at the piece in the Sacre-Coeur Chapel, but that's about it. When we returned the next day we were with a tour group and only had 25 minutes. Though there was enough there to occupy us for at least an hour, i was glad to leave when we did. The peace i felt at the outset was quickly replaced with profound discomfort at trying to juxtapose in my mind this place of peace and beauty with the utter ugliness of the institution that owns it.

I guess most people don't understand what it is like to be the target of the church, but that is the way i feel: like the church is a loaded gun aimed at me. The church has only ugly things to say about me and the people i love, about the people who have accepted me and given me hope and the community that has given me some chance at restoring my faith.

[brontosproximo.livejournal.com]

I guess most people don't understand what it is like to be the target of the church

No, I was just formally damned to Hell for all eternity while in confession.

They still chase me for the Bishop's Special Fund Drive. Does that count?

[azaz-al.livejournal.com]

It's just a pretty building.

[herbalgrrl.livejournal.com]

built with money donated to organizations that seek to oppress people

[brontosproximo.livejournal.com]

I understand your sentiment, but it is also a showcase for Quebecois sculptors, some of which I know firsthand.

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone could go and not be affected by the beauty of this place.

Next time i go perhaps i will do a banishing. APO PANTOS KAKODAIMONOS!

[azaz-al.livejournal.com]

You do that, sweety!

I'm sure it is very beautiful. But "God" doesn't live there any more than anywhere else.

[brontosproximo.livejournal.com]

The next time we're together, remind me to tell you all about our Oratory of Saint Joseph story (It's also in Montreal)

[azaz-al.livejournal.com]

If you like :)

[cowgrrl.livejournal.com]

We saw that building too, but only from the outside and for, like, two minutes.

[brontosproximo.livejournal.com]

It must be experienced from the inside too.

When I was in the last stages of trying to stay with the Church I made a pilgrimage there and prayed on my knees up the stairs, all the way to the top of the mountain.

[stacymckenna.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Admire the architecture for the architecture, and the music for the music.

[azaz-al.livejournal.com]

Also remember - getting a few moments of belonging in that pretty building with the cool ritual comes at a terribly high price - that of hating yourself and living in terrible fear of eternal torment and rejection by God if you don't deny everything that you are.
Not worth it.

[alobar.livejournal.com]

> I don't think anyone could go and not be affected
> by the beauty of this place.

I probably would want to vomit. Catholic edifices really creep me out. Inquisitions, the Crusades, people being murdered for being apostates. Huge ornate churches built from money "given" by the poor who "give" to the church rather than improve their lot.

The mythology of the catholic church is built upon fear and the psychotic episodes of a deranged father god. Had IHVH gotten laid frequently, maybe he would have mellowed out some.

Going inside catholic churches make me want to puke and/or hurl a bomb. No way do I see any of catholic "art" to be inspiring or the least bit uplifting. Catholic churches are a circus side show horror show, only a horror show has more fun caricatures than catholic churches.

[x-bluerose-x.livejournal.com]

I comprehend this too well. I grew up not having been raised with religion either, and while I adore deeply profound religious ceremony, me and organized religion are not on speaking terms.

[littlebluenote.livejournal.com]

yes, the basilica is nice, but i don't like the floor. did you check out St. Joseph's Oratory in Montreal? If you loved the basilica, you'll LOVE the oratory. I find it a very moving place.