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[sophiaserpentia]

This essay about "New Age Bullying" has been making the rounds on my friend's list for a couple of days now.

I think the author of this list left out the most significant form of new age bullying i've seen: where people tell you to "not let your pain control you."

There's a point in the healing process where you can finally do this. I've experienced it myself -- one day, the pain just doesn't overwhelm you anymore and you wonder how it could ever have controlled you the way it did.

Well, it happens that way because there is so separation between body and mind. An emotional or psychological injury affects the way your nerve cells communicate with one another and the ways your nerve cells react to neuropeptides and neurotransmitters. It takes time to fix this. Recovering from trauma is very much like healing a physical cut. And some injuries of this sort are too deep and big to heal in the space of a single lifetime.

So, while some people find they suddenly have the ability to own their hurt and not be controlled by it anymore, it is wrong for them to then turn around to people who haven't healed yet and demand they snap out of it. To do so is more injurious than simply listening and offering compassion while someone is still healing.

But the article also made me realize i can't hide anymore how much contempt i have developed for almost all spirituality. Every now and then i come across something which is genuinely healing, but most commonly what i see is emotional manipulation, collections of platitudes meant to make us feel better about injustice.

What if people stopped believing there was a big daddy-figure in the sky who was going to punish all the bad guys after they die, a Santa Claus type figure watching everything that happens and keeping a list of everyone who's good and everyone who's bad? Maybe people shouldn't find comfort in this idea. Even if it's true. Because maybe then they would be more moved to seek justice in this life.

Comments

[sophiaserpentia.livejournal.com]

Ugh. You know, it's one thing to have to live with the realization that some of the choices one made might have made it easier for someone else to prey on them. But to turn this into being somehow even partially "accountable" for what happens is utterly toxic.

[akaiyume.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Sometimes I think that bullshit is to help people get over the fear of it happening again. So if they decide to do things "differently" then they "have nothing to be afraid of" and can get over the terrified and work on moving on. Getting over the terrified is good. But not in that way. It is a lie. One can do everything to protect themself and still get preyed upon. Or one can make themselves as vulnerable as possible and have nothing happen. The only accountable person is the one who commits harm. And short of force there is no way to control the actions of the other. The "how are you accountable" is nothing but trying to give a sense of control back to someone - when really there are many things an individual has no control over. And the price for a false sense of control is accepting a dumpster truck full of unnecessary guilt. Not a worthwhile trade at all.

I am a firm believer in the fact that there are no helpful lies. Well, outside of the ones we tell to help ourself. Telling others a lie in order to help them - never helpful to the other. The other believes a lie and it will bite them on the ass.