outside of the gaze of scene scrutiny you find a lot of doms who are basically sadistic predators
This may sound like pointless quibbling on level since I know what you mean. But I feel it is important to phrase it more like there are a lot of sadistic predators who are coopting the label of dom.
witness what young people are saying about "friends with benefits" -- it is starting to become a new vocabulary for boys to justify getting sex from girls without putting any effort into caring about them whatsoever
Actually, they are after more than sex. Most react very badly when they find out they are just a fuck, even though that is all they want. In other words, they want women to give all that culture says is supposed to come with sex, without giving anything other than sex.
I'm particularly concerned about the notion of fantasies being colonized.
I am, and I'm not. I mean, experience is going to have a hand in shaping fantasy, just seems to be how the human mind tends to work. I think here what needs to be done is an openness to the idea of fantasy (no OMG's you want WHAT?!?!) enough so that people aren't afraid to process them, to see what they mean, and how the fantasy image can create something way different than what the "real world" situation is. What you said earlier about people being healed through BDSM - that obviously involves fantasies of powerlessness to some degree and addresses them in a way transforms that into something empowering. So I don't see the colonization of fantasies so much as the biggest threat. Rather that force which works to tell us fantasies are bad, that we must want the real world outcome (even though we know even without trying before hand that we will feel bad about them - I mean, how big of a clue is that that fantasies work in a different way) and that because we have these "bad" fantasies we deserve the "bad" results. I guess what I am trying to say is that in essense I think it is the force of colonization plus guilt that can be dangerous. Freed of guilt (which can be a hard thing to do. personal guilt, then the entrance of guilt from be blasted by notions that if you want in some cases - oh just sex - you should feel guilty) then fantasies - whatever they are and rather indulged in the mind or in a safe way - can be empowering and transformative. Sort of the minds way of holistically and symbolically protecting us - and keep in mind that what looks one way in word-thought can often look nearly opposite from non-word think.
no subject
This may sound like pointless quibbling on level since I know what you mean. But I feel it is important to phrase it more like there are a lot of sadistic predators who are coopting the label of dom.
witness what young people are saying about "friends with benefits" -- it is starting to become a new vocabulary for boys to justify getting sex from girls without putting any effort into caring about them whatsoever
Actually, they are after more than sex. Most react very badly when they find out they are just a fuck, even though that is all they want. In other words, they want women to give all that culture says is supposed to come with sex, without giving anything other than sex.
I'm particularly concerned about the notion of fantasies being colonized.
I am, and I'm not. I mean, experience is going to have a hand in shaping fantasy, just seems to be how the human mind tends to work. I think here what needs to be done is an openness to the idea of fantasy (no OMG's you want WHAT?!?!) enough so that people aren't afraid to process them, to see what they mean, and how the fantasy image can create something way different than what the "real world" situation is. What you said earlier about people being healed through BDSM - that obviously involves fantasies of powerlessness to some degree and addresses them in a way transforms that into something empowering. So I don't see the colonization of fantasies so much as the biggest threat. Rather that force which works to tell us fantasies are bad, that we must want the real world outcome (even though we know even without trying before hand that we will feel bad about them - I mean, how big of a clue is that that fantasies work in a different way) and that because we have these "bad" fantasies we deserve the "bad" results. I guess what I am trying to say is that in essense I think it is the force of colonization plus guilt that can be dangerous. Freed of guilt (which can be a hard thing to do. personal guilt, then the entrance of guilt from be blasted by notions that if you want in some cases - oh just sex - you should feel guilty) then fantasies - whatever they are and rather indulged in the mind or in a safe way - can be empowering and transformative. Sort of the minds way of holistically and symbolically protecting us - and keep in mind that what looks one way in word-thought can often look nearly opposite from non-word think.