No, i define as hateful the decision to stop doing good and necessary work because of the organization's intolerance towards a small segment of society (and therefore a small segment of the families applying for adoption). The organization is taking its toys and going home, thereby punishing families heterosexual and homosexual alike, and forcing the state to find other ways to link children who need homes to eager adoptive parents... this is an intensely immature reaction.

Why the absolute unwillingness on the part of the church to investigate it's own position and consider that maybe on this they're wrong? After all, the church requests reflection and re-consideration on the part of those with whom it disagrees.

You can try to couch it as "refus[ing] to participate in activity that one finds morally objectionable" but in doing so you have to overlook the greater wrong that is being committed here.

Let me demonstrate my point from another angle. Suppose you are trying to toss food to sheep, but among the sheep there are a few goats who occasionally get the food instead. If you don't want the goats to get the food, are you going to stop tossing food out there altogether? Sure, you've succeeded in keeping goats from getting the food, but at the cost of starving the sheep too.