i think, though, it's because we're all of one mind on people that hit their spouses. We all know how bad it is. What's harder for many to understand is the spouse that stays.

I'm with you, I think we need to work harder at understanding the motivations for the abuser. I think, though, it's a very hard question to ask.

I attended a mostly excellent course on dealing with abuse last year but remember one question time when we were discussing various issues and how people respond. One of my peers asked:

"how do we help the man who feels so frustrated by what appears to him to be his wife's constant criticism so that he hits her?"

It was a valid question - some people simply don't know how to respond in those situations and lash out. The answer was "it can't be tolerated". Just didn't address the deeper issue.