Well I just had a lightbulb over my head moment. I don't know how it is for others, but I know that for myself - this is the absolute truth. I have recently discovered about my own life that because I have PTSD, I move heaven and earth to avoid confrontation and because I avoid confrontation this has led to a lifetime of being bullied and muscled around by others. And I've blamed myself for that, for "making it easy" on the bullies, without really noting that I didn't bash myself. That doing that was blaming the victim in a very real way. And I know that when I read anti-gay comments on LJ, or links to anti-gay websites or the recent link going around which sums up all the anti-gay rhetoric in nice, neat quote-bites...I feel sketchy and tweaky and anxious and feel like my next bashing incident is imminent. I feel less able, at that point, to do anything about it. I'm in "duck and run" mode most of the time and it takes up -vast- amounts of my energy. How very useful that is, for those who hate us, to send waves of PTSD anxiety over us. I never saw the connection to it before, but you're right on the money with this. This is going to take a lot more thinking about...
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Well I just had a lightbulb over my head moment. I don't know how it is for others, but I know that for myself - this is the absolute truth. I have recently discovered about my own life that because I have PTSD, I move heaven and earth to avoid confrontation and because I avoid confrontation this has led to a lifetime of being bullied and muscled around by others. And I've blamed myself for that, for "making it easy" on the bullies, without really noting that I didn't bash myself. That doing that was blaming the victim in a very real way.
And I know that when I read anti-gay comments on LJ, or links to anti-gay websites or the recent link going around which sums up all the anti-gay rhetoric in nice, neat quote-bites...I feel sketchy and tweaky and anxious and feel like my next bashing incident is imminent. I feel less able, at that point, to do anything about it. I'm in "duck and run" mode most of the time and it takes up -vast- amounts of my energy.
How very useful that is, for those who hate us, to send waves of PTSD anxiety over us. I never saw the connection to it before, but you're right on the money with this.
This is going to take a lot more thinking about...