There is a clear line that's being blurred when someone tells you that expressing your "negative" feelings encourages intolerance.
The line is the one between honest, open expression of ones inner turmoil, and calling for repression of others.
To state "The effects of homophobia in my life are grave and hurtful" is both a validation of your feelings and the beginning of looking for solutions, as well as support to others who have similar experiences.
This is a vastly different thing than say your suggesting that all homophobes should be jailed or killed, which is what the other side is calling for.
Not equivalent behaviors at all.
Sounds like victim blaming to me. Making your expression of pain viewed as part of the problem.